it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
