Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
