the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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