She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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