A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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