my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
