i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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