Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
