When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
smell my finger.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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