...so i touched it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
