She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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