I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
