Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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