One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
