Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
