Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
