i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are we still banned from the library?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
