I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
