i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
