GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
