butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
