i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
