I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
