I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
