sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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