i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
