Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
