Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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