Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
