The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
