the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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