i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
