do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
