I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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