im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
