Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
