when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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