I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
