why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
