my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
