we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
