i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She bit a glass in half.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
soo... how was my night?
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