wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The dick lei will go down in squad history
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
