i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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