I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
