So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
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