i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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