you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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