He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
