Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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